do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
