They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
