woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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