I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize