Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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