I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
