My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
