its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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