It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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