his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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