i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
