Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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