as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
