So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
