I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
