I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
