I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
