Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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