I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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