Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sorry my hands just texted you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
