What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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