Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
