So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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