Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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