I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
