She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
