She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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