oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
