The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
