I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
