Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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