i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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