one two three fourrrrnication!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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