I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I could fuck to npr.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
