Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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