i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
