fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
