Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
