Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
