Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
