woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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