if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
