I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
