I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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