took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
