didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
