do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
