I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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