Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
