hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
