ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
