There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
