Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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