Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
