so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
