i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
