What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I cannot find my penis.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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