I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
