my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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