Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize