so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
