My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
