the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
