So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
