the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
