I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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