if you like me you must not know who I am
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
