Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
