Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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