i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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