I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
