Your mouth is God's brothel.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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